Monday, May 25, 2009

I am not going to come down from the high!

This past thursday, I realized that I am fully capable of doing something for myself. That I am not afraid of life. That my heart and my mind can connect. That I am in control of what I choose to do. I was able to climb the wall at Camp Daggett. From the moment I got there I was focused and I had only one goal. Before Brent began to belay me, he asked how far I wanted to go up and and I told him I wanted to reach the bell on the ceiling and he told me that was all he needed to hear...and so began my climb. It truly was the most amazing high I have ever felt....and I refuse to look back now. That was all I needed to help propel my life, to re-identify with myself. It was for noone else....that was mine. It was bliss and not for one moment did I feel afraid, but rather, I was determined. I am alive and my heart is pounding!

Pink Floyd said it best in the song High Hopes, "There is a hunger still unsatisfied."

Next time and I am going higher!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Kristian thought I was funny...shorts, while wearing sweaters on my feet! Too lazy to put pants on...Andrea, I know you love this too!

Monday, May 18, 2009

I miss you my beautiful Jess!

Today, I received a card in the mail from "my Jessica". It said everything I needed to get me through the rest of the week..."You're simply one of the strongest, most determined people I know. And today I hope you know, too. Keep your head up and I am here for you!" The card grounded me and reminded me of how fortunate I am to have made such a rare find in Jess! When she moved a couple years ago I was lost....she took a part of my heart with her and left a part with me. It's nice to know that with her it has always been an equal friendship. No judgement, no arguments. Only a bond that is unmatched. About a week ago, we had a great talk on the phone one night and I poured my heart and bared my soul to her and I know that the conversation started and ended there...I love her for that! I have never once doubted the realness of what we share. Damn I wish you were here...I feel like a car ride and a slurpee!

Love you Jess!


The nightly battle I face....sleep is peaceful I hear!

Friday, May 15, 2009

State Park--May 14, 2009

My life is brilliant

Deep breath.....Here I go...

This week has been amazing in more ways then one. I realized I am alive. My heart has been pounding all week and it feels incredible. I no longer have to live in the box I trapped myself in years ago. I know now that fear has been holding me prisoner. It reminded me of a quote from Stephen King's, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living, or get busy dying". Today I am choosing to live.

For the longest time, I have not felt like I was in the right place at the right time and now three times this week...I was right where I was supposed to be. I have saved a dog's life. I have a plan for a Monday in the near future and an adventure for May 21st, where I will be conquering fears that have been paralyzing me. Pictures of the latter two will follow. =)

So starts the story of who I am...